Creative Monster

Project Creative Vs Isolation - Notes on Participant 5. 

Attached you will find a series of journal entries highlighting her unique experience during her time in our experiment. She was in Group A, and this group had limited social interaction, to see if it helped or harmed the creative process. 

Day 123

The low growl has become almost comforting. Almost. It’s been about 4 months since I signed up for this thing. Who knew being given creative freedom to create anything would be so exhausting? I’ve been working on a novel. I’d been working on it before I started this experiment and, well… It’s not going great. And I think my self-doubt has manifested into a dragon. 

Yes, a real dragon. 

I know it sounds crazy… 

And now I’m arguing with myself in a journal. 

Maybe this isolation is making me mad…

Day 170

Writing is going poorly today. But I remembered the dudes in charge of this crazy thing gave us questions to answer in these journals. 

I forgot about them, and the dragon in my apartment is rather cumbersome to deal with today. So! Let’s write something easy. Like…. Why did I agree to this? 

Simple: I claim the reason I can’t finish my novel is because I don’t have time. So when I lost my job and this advertisement showed up on my socials I figured why not take the year to work on my novel? And the free place to live definitely sweetened the deal. And for whatever reason they said yes to me. Thanks dudes. 

So we will see if the distractions are really the reason I can finish the first draft. 

He’s watching me… Oh yes, I’ve decided the dragon is a boy and I’ve named him George. I know they say you shouldn’t name strays, otherwise you’ll get attached. But hey, I’m already pretty attached to my self-doubt or imposter syndrome or whatever else you want to call it. Might as well name the silly thing. And you know what? I think he shrunk a bit. I think I’m going to take the rest of the day off. Maybe tomorrow will be easier. 

Day 215

I officially finished draft one of my novel!!!! 

I can’t believe it! This is amazing! 

I feel like I could do anything! Oh, you remember George? Yeah well, no bigger than a puppy today! Take that, Self-Doubt! 

I can do this!

Right? 

It’s good, right? 

It’s a good first step. 

What happens now? 

I… I don’t know. 

Step 1: Request a cake to celebrate in some form. 

Step 2: Find out what on earth I do next.

Day 250

I picked up my manuscript for the first time in just over a month. Taking a break and trying my hand at painting. It was nice, and funnily enough George the dragon almost disappeared.

I guess it was just fun, no doubt to be had. But I’m also not as passionate about my fine art skills as I am about my storytelling skills. It’s an interesting contrast. Anyway, back to the novel… It’s not as bad as I thought it would be. But George grew in size today. He looked so smug about it too. How annoying. However (and don’t tell him this) he’s a little motivating. 

Day 289

Just over two months left. Honestly, I’ve got mixed feelings about it. In one way, I’m ready to see my family and friends. Texting and the occasional phone call and video chat aren’t the same as being in the same room. 

I feel like I mention that it’s not like we haven’t seen anyone in the last nine months. I went for walks and ordered food and things like that. Oh, and they brought our families a few times (maybe some of the others saw friends too, but I wouldn’t know). 

For the record, Scientist Dudes, I did my best work for a few days after they came to visit. 

Back to the notes! I will miss the time to just sit down and focus on my creative passion like this. I’m also worried George will leave me… I know I complained about him before but honestly? He’s grown on me. He’s a great gauge of how loud my self-doubt is. Maybe he’ll follow me. 

I’m only a third of the way through my edits and rewrites but I think I still like the heart of my story. So I’m gonna keep working on it. 

Day 336 

The end draws near. It’s so close! I’ve made good progress on the story, I’m about halfway through I think. Though I’ve moved so much content around that I honestly don’t know anymore. But I feel accomplished. 

Oh, and George? I know you’ve gotten attached too. He’s been smaller these days. Some days he grows but I’ve gotten quite good at combating the negative thoughts. So has the time been worth it? Let’s see… Creatively? Sure. Could have I gotten this done without this? I would have taken twice as long, but yeah. 

Personal growth-wise? Oh yeah. I learned a lot about myself and faced some big problems and I feel ready to go back out there. 

Day 365

It’s over… Tomorrow I go back to my parent’s house for a few weeks. Then, I was able to get a lease in my old apartment building. I found a new job that starts in a week or two. They gave us a guidebook to help us “reacclimate.” I’m not too worried. I’m packed up and George is curled up like a cat on my suitcase. So I guess he’s coming with me. 

Good luck, Science Dudes. Enjoy the road through my journal. Hope it helps with whatever the goal was.

Peace out!